Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary ….

Day 983 of my captivity …

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies’. I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ..

The following words I will try using again, as often as the 10 other words I use daily (over and over).

Those words: yuppy, klusterfuck, and shniezy.

The first two words, you can look up, but I will soon be writing the definition of shniezy. IT’s made up, well maybe… however, according to a friend, he thought it was legit, but he also used the word ‘gimmick’ for just about everything.

Look for the definition…. sooner than later!

Over the past couple of years, I’ve started to shy away from swearing on my twitter/facebook status messages, unless I have good reason! However, I do balance my swearing out like shampoo and give my “fucks” some PH balance!

Do you think IT’s immature for me to find “phucking” hilarious? In my book, not at all. In fact, who really knows “how to act like an adult.” Whoever thought of that first was just ashamed they lost their childhood & imagination! Yup, yup… That’s the ticket, now take the phucking ride!

This post was brought to you by @emoejesus. Remember, @EmoJesus tweets for your phucking sins!

IT’s a daily ritual for Lucy to steal something off of Bethany or I’s desk. Usually IT’s finger cuffs from Bethany’s desk drawers (she has her own drawer full of toys to open and steal from), but I was able to catch her in the act of trying to steal SpongeBob SquarePants off my desk.

I’m not sure why she doesn’t grab him by the nose, arms or legs, but that’s Lucy how Lucy does things. I’m not sure what she was distracted by at first, but at the end of the video she hears Bethany outside talking to the neighbor girls who live in the apartment building, so Lucy forgets about SpongeBob and heads to the window.

We normally find her finger cuffs, stuffed animals, bracelets, and more in the hallway, our shoes, or the food bowls.

The music, which is public domain, I found on foldedspace.org. The song: Smiles and Chuckles, performed by The Six Brown Brothers (recorded May 9, 1917)

“I’m tired…”
“I’m hungry…”
“I can’t think it’s too late/too early in the day”
“Is it Friday?…”
“It’s almost the end of the month already…”

Don’t get me wrong, because I too am guilty of saying those things, but I try and change what and how I phrase everything. If you take life for granted and just go with the flow, you’re going to run into road blocks and you’ll just stand there, looking stupid, scratching your head, and you’ll turn around and not do anything because you can’t think outside the box you’ve put yourself into.

I try looking at my daily routine as a sitcom, a jazz musician improvising, musicians releasing new albums, a GOOD comedian’s set, and if you see them again, they’ll never do, play, or say the same thing twice. Granted there are times stories need to be re-told, but if it’s to the same audience, they could almost tell the story for you. Try and add something new, throw people for a loop, DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT! If you start saying and doing the same things over, mirroring what’s already been done, you’ll lose viewers, fans, and friends!

When you step out of your house, and if it’s always with your left foot first, try going out with the right one instead. Yup, stupid idea, but it’s a change, and you’re still going on with your normal routine.

When I was a manager in pro-wrestling, I was running around the ring like a dumbass, shouting at the crowd, and I had a routine. Every week, I tried to add to whatever I had done the previous show. As soon as I walked back to the locker room, I’d start thinking about the next show and what I could do. The next show could be the next day, week or month, but my mind was always thinking on what to do. I challenged myself day in and day out to make everything better, and yeah, there were times that some ideas bombed, but I tried them. Those failing moments made me work harder!

The same goes with ITRadio and my status updates on Twitter (and other social networking sites). With ITRadio, I have 270+ shows in the bag, well over 500 hours of content, and granted over 5 years, I’ve brought up and told the same story, but I hope I added something new to it! When Frosty and I first started ITRadio, that was one thing we strived on doing week in and week out. What story can we tell, make up, talk about that differs from what we’ve already talked about. Now as a solo host to my show, IT’s a whole hell of a lot harder to do on a weekly basis, but it keeps me going.

Twitter is the same way. In 2 years, I’ve almost posted 14,000 tweets. Granted 50% of them are about the same subjects (twooping, Taco Johns, sushi fish, Mtn Dew, my H8s), but I challenge myself to update with something different from before, make it entertaining, and hopefully make people want more.

The nice thing for the people who choose to follow me or listen to my show, is the simple fact they have the option of ignoring my updates, blocking me, not downloading my show, or hitting mute/stop. In real life, you can’t do that, but how phucking sweet would it be to have a mute button. Sometimes, I want to record people talking, play it back to them, and see if they can tell that they can be annoying. With that said, I know a lot of what I talk about is annoying as soon as someone sees my mouth open or name show up on their screen, and they’d want the same mute button for me.

The next time you wake up, are about to tweet, or say something, start thinking on how you can make it different for yourself, but the others around you.

Do IT, do IT now!

So what am I procrastinating on?

I’m working on another design for something, yet again, while working on my podcast, attempts at music/songs, and IT’s all wrapped in this thing known as “life.” So, what makes me keep going?  The ideas never stop, and if they did, then I better be locked up in a padded room and throw away the key!